Anchor Paper Commentaries

Project WRITE Anchor Paper
Dec. 5, 2007
Genesee ISD
Paul LeMahieu, UC Berkeley, National Writing Project
Elisbeth (Liz) Webb, Facilitator, RCWP at MSU
Troy Hicks, CMU Asst. Professor, Technology Liaison
Papers Evaluated Using the NWP Analytic Writing Continuum

Score Point 1 (A)
Paper ID #

09153

Commentary added 12/5/07

The student is an ELL student.
Content: The topic family is announced but “brother” is also included in the 1st sentence. There is no development: it looks like the question. No development of content. No control.

Structure: It was restated after opening announcement of “brother people in my family.” Random words are used. There is no clear opening or closing. Length is 2.5 sentences (very short). Too brief to evaluate for organization.

Stance: Because the prompt question was made a statement (“Tell me about each mafily member”), there is no sense of purpose. Little to no evidence of perspective or attitude.

Sentence Fluency: Using the example of stance, there are choppy, irregular and fragmented sentences – so diction lack is understandable. Includes sentences that are illogical. Unclear sentences. Too brief.

Diction: Limited Vocabulary.

Conventions: Incomplete sentences – no structure in sentences. Focus – family. Contains many errors.
Additional commentary added 5/5/08
Content: Includes sentences that are illogical.
Score Point 1 (B)
Paper ID # 685671

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Zero content: includes words like hallp and litavm No control or development of content. Limited vocabulary

Structure: Too brief to evaluate for organization

Stance: No apparent perspective

Sentence Fluency: This is only one sentence and you can’t read ½ of the sentence

Diction: . Choppy irregular fragment

Conventions: Too brief to evaluate conventions

1 across the board for the traits
Commentary added 5/5/08


Score Point 2 (A)
Paper ID # 8780-3

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Ideas are related to a theme but are underdeveloped: “Pumpkins…a fruit…you can eat it....” List-like.

Structure: Little organization. Details are strung together in random order. Opening has some direction…no closing.

Stance:

Sentence Fluency: Sentence flow is choppy – list-like.

Diction: Bland verbs. Vague incorrect words: “Pumpkin seeds, meat, molecules.”

Conventions: Requires extensive editing: “Part of a pumpkin is a seeds”
Commentary added 5/5/08
Stance: weak perspective

Score Point 3 (A)
Paper ID # 00402

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Some details are offered like the names of the rides and descriptions of feelings.

Structure: There is time order from the beginning of the trip, but lacking transitions.

Stance:

Sentence Fluency:

Diction: Some language is very causal. The conversational tone hurts the flow of the piece. Some word choices were good (“cramped”) but others were very plain.

Conventions: There were many errors in punctuation and spelling that interfered with the meaning.
Commentary added 5/5/ 08
Stance: clear attitude throughout; compared likes to fears

Sentence Fluency: sentence fragments, no transitions, casual tone

Score Point 3 (B)
Paper ID # 0248-9

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Contains main idea, but isn’t developed (“it’s cool”) – list like. Imagery is simple.

Structure: Mechanical arrangements of ideas

Stance: Sporadic

Sentence Fluency: Has little flow/variation. Repeating words (“sometimes….sometimes”)

Diction: Bland wording (“Cool!... Scared”)

Conventions: (“all though”) Missing words. Just one paragraph.
Commentary added 5/5/08


Score Point 4 (A)
Paper ID # 80259

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Examples and details support the central idea.

Structure: Sequence the events of the day, includes events in order. The writer introduces and concludes the piece.

Stance: Remains focused on one idea: cheerleading tryouts.

Sentence Fluency:

Diction:

Conventions: Exhibits control over writing conventions. Appropriately punctuates dialogue – it is clear who is speaking
Commentary added 5/5/08
Sentence Fluency: has transitions, uses sentences to connect ideas, still choppy

Diction: vocabulary is simple, bland; short sentences

Score Point 4 (B)
Paper ID # 4507-1

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content:

Structure: Forward moving sequence of events

Stance: Focus on theme remains consistent

Sentence Fluency:

Diction:

Conventions: Age appropriate – has control over standard writing conventions
Commentary added 5/5/08

Score Point 5 (A)
Paper ID # 80255

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Good imagery – “butterflys in my stomach” “spectacular plays” Specific examples: “Our shortstop _” Developed details: “sunny weekend” describes days of the tournament. Rare instances of poorly developed detail – “play either 5 or 6 teams I can’t remember”

Structure: Paragraphing is good – one idea per paragraph Good introduction that describes the setting well; conclusion poorly developed – runs together with ending details

Stance: Clear attitude of pride – “our team was really good” “I now knew nobody could stop the Mustangs”

Sentence Fluency: Good rhythm and flow – no topic has too many details: “The game was a really tough one, the score went back and forth the whole game.”

Diction: Some misplaced words: “I can though remember”

Conventions: No capitalization of weekdays – Spelling – “butterflys”
Commentary added 5/5/ 08

Score Point 5 (B)
Paper ID # 4507-9

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Detailed

Structure:

Stance: Clear and focused.

Sentence Fluency: Varied sentence structure

Diction: Effective transitions

Conventions: Minimal editing needed – quotations, commas
Commentary added 5/5/08


Score Point 5 (C)
Paper ID # 4507-2

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Much of the writing is specific such as the shopping list for the fabric store; it includes strong imagery.

Structure: The opening is strong and leads me to continue.

Stance:

Sentence Fluency: The writing’s flow exhibits a good beginning, middle and end (structure). Sentence structure is varied, including length, styles, and word choice (diction).

Diction: Many words are precise to the piece describing the costume.

Conventions: The writing includes use of paragraphs and quotations.
Commentary added 5/5/08


Score Point 5 (D) (or a 4?)
Paper ID # 2947-1

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Contains ideas that satisfactorily support and/or are relevant: “She feels that if she follows her set path, she will end up broken on its way there.”

Structure: Includes a clear opening, but there is no strong resolution. Organization is adequate for the central idea.

Stance:

Sentence Fluency: Has some flow, but sentences are more mechanical than fluid

Diction: Word choice is vivid and precise: “Instead its wings are crunched together from lack of space and it dies trying to be what it is.”

Conventions: Requires minor editing; reasonable control over conventions, however, not used for effect.

Other: We (teachers who wrote the commentary) felt this was not a 5. It is a solid 4!
Commentary added 5/5/08
Stance: adequate - connects moth and jar to girl and town. Fairly formal tone is appropriate to purpose.


Score Point 6(A)
Paper ID # 5397-3

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Focused and clear writing -- Use of figurative language helps the reader see, feel and hear the story, imagery in language

Structure: Strong opening and closing

Stance:

Sentence Fluency: Flowed smoothly and precisely, easy to follow

Diction: Word choices excellent, at or above grade level: “cadaver dogs,” and “liquid chromatograph” --

Conventions:
Commentary added 5/5/08


Score Point 6 (B)
Paper ID # 39810-3

Commentary added 12/5/07
Content: Strong vocabulary

Structure: Strong opening and closing

Stance: Very focused; stayed on topic throughout

Sentence Fluency: Variety of sentence structure

Diction: Sophisticated style

Conventions: No editing is needed. (???)
Commentary added 5/5/08

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